Are lobola expectations hindering couples from tying the knot?

Ultimately, as the man in the middle, you are going to have to make a choice – either picking the side of the woman you married or the woman who raised you.

“There’s only one person who can break that deadlock,” says Hawthorn. “And that’s you. The best way to do that is to establish very clear boundaries right at the onset of the relationship. It can be immensely painful, because you’re making it clear to your mother that she’s no longer the priority.”

There’s no easy way to say that, which is why so many men don’t even try. This is understandable, especially in a society like ours, where 60% of children have absent fathers and more than 40% of mothers are single parents, according to a study by the Human Sciences Research Council and the South African Race Relations Institute.

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